Partner Not Interested In Physical Intimacy: Zimbabwean Couples Open Up On Contentious Bedroom Issues
The issue of physical intimacy is one of the most important and sometimes contentious aspects of relationships, particularly marriages. Dissatisfaction when it comes to physical intimacy often leads to problems that include cheating, breakdown of marriages and in extreme cases, violent crimes such as domestic violence, rape and even murder.
Zimbabwean social media personality and cyber-aunt Tete Fadzie explored the issue to find out possible reasons which make people lose interest in physical intimacy and sleeping with their partners in marriages, to help those who may be experiencing such issues.
Tete Fadzie wrote on social media platform Twitter,
To all the married men & women who have spouses who don’t want to have sex with them kindly use the link below to speak out about your experiences, even those who are divorced but experienced this kindly feel free to talk about your past experiences.
To all the married men & women who have spouses who don’t want to have sex with them kindly use the link below to speak out about your experiences , even those who are divorced but experienced this kindly feel free to talk about your past experiences https://t.co/lXN24YN4Wb
— Tete Fadzie (@RealTalkFadzie) June 22, 2021
The question received a lot of responses as both men and women came out to explain and in some cases to justify their own actions. Below are some of the more interesting responses from social media.
Let’s call a spade a spade…
1. If a wife stops having sex with her husband it’s because she’s cheating, since her feelings are diverted elsewhere.
2. If a husband stops having sex with his wife it means he’s no longer attracted to her & is also cheating.
— FrogyDe (@frogyDE) June 22, 2021
I saw the post about a guy whose wife has been refusing him sex and he now wants a divorce. To be honest alot of men are going through this and it hurts to be denied intimacy by the woman you love. Here you are being faithful and making sure you don’t cheat only to get home and be rejected, unotombofunga pamwe haugoni sex, pamwe your d.k is small and you go through all this range of emotions and it hurts. I think at this moment that’s how most men began cheating. The strong ones ask for ana Tete and some ask for divorce. I have however seen that it’s due to lack of communication on all fronts. The ladies usually suffer alot from the hormonial family planning methods which affect their libido and then there is also the change of environment and circumstances as well as post-partum depression and differences in upbringing and backgrounds. It takes alot of communication and patience for the couple at times its takes counseling for them to get through that phase. Dont divorce, seek help.
For the past year we been like brother and sister so her sister decided to help me out. She doesnt know but the equation has worked out just fine for me. I am content…. Lets see how it goes
I am a men been married for 6 years. This is a big issue which is less talk about and the most times men are not taught how to handle this sensitive topic. Vakadzi vanotirwa ma kitchen party vachitoudzwa kuti varume vanoda bonde kana everyday but vanozoregera havo vavamudzimba umu. Manje murume anongoenda kubhawa osangana ne boys rake and we will be discussing of how i did it with this chick and that chick etc which is not really advice but fantasies in most cases. These things are happening. Most women marry because they just want muchato and they are not ready to do what the word muchato comes with. At the same time men deduce love o valued by the sex. Women on the other hand is the help you give them, the attention and financial support of the family. No wonder if you are broke hauwane sex nekuti hauna chainacho iwe giribheti.
My problem is when you have a a girlfriend who seem to be hyped and giving you all the sex you need, what would you have done to her as the girlfriend is also a woman whom we are generalising as not giving the required level of sex in a relationship. In conclusion i guess communication is key to let your spouse know how frequent you want it how you want etc. And lastly mukadzi harisi bike raunongosvika uchikwira rototanga kumhanya ne speed yako iwewe so prepare her for the moment to come while she is still at work or home doing the home chores etc iwe ibva wambotumira message kuti nhasi ndinoda kukurova nayo chaizvo wowona ma response unotozoona kuti munhu wako arikitodawo. Tengai wo maruva and zvipfeko mu bedroom keep the relationship interesting. Go out together. Kana kungoita a walk together holding hands and come back take a shower wotorowa hako stonyeni imomo mu shower.
Whoever said sex is the icing on the cake in marriage is lying to these women. Sex is the cake, the rest hamenowo they are enablers or consequences of the sex. I married my wife for sex, children and everything else is just the consequences. My wife loves to be pursued for sex. I do my best to get her turned on and all but it’s very one sided so much that sometimes for the sake of my own pride I have don’t pursue.
That rejection 7 out of 10 attempts bruises my ego to the last bit. I try my best not to cheat but once in a while I find myself chasing takeaways. We have talked about it countless times, but no real change ever comes from her. I’ve asked her if there’s anything I should change or improve on, but yoh, communication is just terrible. My biggest fear now is I’ve been flirting with this young girl, the sexual tension now is reaching a point where I might get into a real affair with her. As it stands, my justification for cheating is simply the wife’s low sex libido. Unfair but the honest truth even from reading other men’s testimonies is: SEX IS THE CAKE, IT’S NOT THE ICING.
Women sometimes lose their desire to have sex with a spouse because vanosiwa nenzara. Apana chinorwadza sekusiwa nenzara. No foreplay kungopinda nekubuda. Seduce your wives and give them bomb sex muone kuti vanoiramba here. Then there are hormones & things like post partum depression.
Thank you for this topic. I’ve been married for 3 years and for the past year we have been living in different cities due to our jobs. During that period we see each other every weekend but have had sex less than 5 times. Excuses jahwi and it bothers me. I’m open to seeing a married woman who’s not being satisfied so that we just have casual sex zvisina mafeelings because I don’t want to be attached to someone else right now.
Kwangu hakuna chinhu. Discussing sex with my husband is taboo. He is just there in bed and touching him he says he’s tired. Its bn 20years in marriage. He takes good care of me financially, I drive dzemutupo but mu bedroom hapana hapana. I look younger than my age and I get so many compliments from men and most think I’m single but an affair is not an option for me. Hel.!!!
Did not know that a lot of us men are suffering this. I am married 6 years now. If i don’ t initiate sex hapana hapana. Sex is all about her time table when she is in the mood. Everytime i initiate it there is always som kind of excuse, i.e i am tired, we did it yesterday, let me sleep a bit will do it later. When you wait for the later you have been promised munhu akuti am sleepy lets do it in the morning, when morning comes dololo. It becomes very frustating because unenge wakutotya kutanga munhu for fear of rejection. i dont know what happens. when we have sex and she is in the mood it is quite good. but when she is not she will just lie there in protest zvekuti unopera power. Have not cheated yet but sometimes i think i will eventually will
I grew up God fearing loving & respectful i was the kind that waited till marriage. I am a man i considered myself the rare type. I got hurt to find that after waiting almost 30 years to start having sex my wife seemed uninterested. At first i tried talking to her but it would only change for a short time. I ended up crying myself to sleep. I didn’t want to cheat so i kept trying to make her know that for me sex was a pillar if we were to stay together. Things didn’t change. She would say i was the one with the problem. So eventually i got a gf and fortunately she found out. Fortunately because instead of showing remorse i told her point blank that if she couldn’t give it to me i could get it elsewhere and it was either she acted like my wife or we could just end it
For me it jolted her to life coz i went as far as moving put for a week. She came to me and we talked For the first time she realised what sex meant to me. We have been good ever since. I compared gfs with her and in many ways my wife is #1. She reasons and understands me better than anyl. My advice is find each other. In the bedroom get wild and make those fantasies come true. I still love sex but believe me a marriage is more than sex it’s a package and you will be shocked that other things are the actual cake and sex is just the icing. Talk to your wife find out how you can turn her on and agree on the frequency of sex.
When I was broke sex was out, she’d say it bluntly and it was just how it was. Its messed up to be honest because at times you’ll be trying your ver best but she never saw it and at the same you wont want to cheat at times you end just masturbating to ease off or just cheating all together
Hie Fadzie My situation is almost similar to that yawaposta. Ndiri pamaone shaa sex yacho ikunetsa kuwana mumba . We never had sex before marriage we were all virgins when we started . Discovered she is not that intrested in sex . Like for the past 8 years we only had two rounds less than 10 times in a day or night . If i tell her pliz she is like i can only manage once in a night . Then we skip days because she might me sick or no feelings she can also say we did it yesterday so today no we are not doing it . You can ask for sex in the morning like weekend she will say we do it tonight you wait for the night she might say am not feeling well so i nolonger believe her . She is not cheating i checked everything to be sure . So yeah am there hoping she will change but truth be told am sexually starving and i dont know when i can hold that upto pliz help me ndanzwa guys.
I have got to a point where we can. Agree or Disagree on a lot of things..Naturally (after a 3year rejection.with all kinds of intervention)munhu acahangoita zvaari kuda. But in the meantime I make a plan when it comes to intimacy and sex. Hakuna munhu anogona zvose…Saka maybe its what she has chosen not to share with me. And it hurts but we move….
My wife and I only have sex during weekends pakati peweek anoti ndakaneta, mari yaanohora, is not even a tenth of mine asi anoramba kusiya basa. Weekends yacho zvinongoitwa kuti zvindibve. I never wanted to cheat on my wife but I couldn’t bear it anymore and my other woman gives me peace and sexual satisfaction 1 don’t have any regrets!
Problem is woman failing to communicate what emotions they are going through at that time, some women prefer sex in the early hours of the morning because in the evening she will be tired from the house chores and more especially imagine you are a working housewife and you do not have a maid , it means you get home and the kitchen is waiting for you, by the time you get to bed you will be exhausted. So woman fail to communicate all those frustrations bcz its supposed to be their duties as a wife , mother
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